Is an Amicable Divorce Really Possible?

By Leah Jones on March 31, 2021

Divorce doesn’t have to be a battle between two parties that costs large amounts of money, and in today’s climate the idea of a more cost-effective, amicable divorce is intriguing to a lot of folks. No divorce will truly be a 100% happy event, but there are ways issues can be addressed – and perhaps resolved – without arguments and leaving both parties’ finances relatively unshaken.

Amicable divorces are often settled out of court, utilizing a mediator. And especially in our pandemic-riddled society, many couples are opting to stay out of a court room. In a mediation, there is one hired professional that works with both parties together. This option can help keep costs low and also limit the infighting that can occur when both parties have their own attorney and may be refusing to speak to each other.

The two largest sticking points in divorces typically revolve around custody of children and financial separation agreements and mediators can certainly settle those issues without involving the courts. Mediators often can help a divorcing couple with a parenting plan and custody agreements.

When it comes to financial division, it depends on the circumstances of the divorcing couple. If there are not many assets and similar income levels a mediator can help negotiate an equitable financial division.  However, as the assets become more complicated and there are large income discrepancies, it makes sense to engage a financial professional. Often a divorcing client hires a financial advisor or uses one they currently work with, who can serve as a financial advocate and this way as many conversations as necessary can be had without adding lots of unnecessary costs.

Deciding which professional(s) to involve is very personal to each family. For example, if there’s a complex situation with the kids, a mental health professional may be the best choice as a mediator. If the financial side of the equation is complicated, a financial mediator may be the best for that situation. One point to remember about mediators though is they will never be able to make the definitive decisions. They are simply there to mediate the discussions so the divorcing couple can come to their own agreement, so both parties must be comfortable advocating for themselves. If not, mediation may not be the right choice.

One step above mediation is a collaborative process, which would include each party hiring their own counsel, but they would all meet as a group to go over all of the issues and hire additional parties together, as needed. This option may be relevant for couples who prefer to be represented by different professionals but are still open to discussion and compromise.

An amicable divorce can look very different for each couple but understanding your options beforehand is a great way to get started. For more insight on amicable divorces, tune in to this episode of the Everything Money podcast, where Leah Jones, director of financial planning for Hightower Bethesda talks to Regina DeMeo, a family law attorney.

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